Sunday, December 31, 2006

Goodbye 2006.

Hope that 2007 is way better. Have a good one, everyone. Stay safe and see you in 2007!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Feliz Navidad

All the crap we bought at Kmart.


My favorite picture so far this Christmas.

A very special ornament...

And one unhappy dog!

Merry Christmas everyone! And to those who don't celebrate the holiday, I hope you get to spend some quality time with the ones you love :)

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Kidnapped by Kmart

I am now the owner of the cutest penguin pajamas ever. Score!

This morning, my father waltzed into my room and asked me if I wanted to go fleamarketing with them. Not relishing the idea of spending the morning alone, I agreed, ignorant of the day that awaited me. The fleamarket turned into Kmart turned into Sam's Club turned into pizza in Aguada turned into stopping at Home Depot turned into searching for a bakery that was open turned into finally going home. Kmart sucked our souls and we went bonkers with the Christmas specials. My dad bought slightly psychedelic LED lights for the pine in front of the house. Curse you, Martha, for making such adorable Christmas accessories. Kmart is also the place where I scored the penguin pajamas (that I am wearing right now!).

When we got home, I got busy putting up the tree. I did so in less than fifteen minutes, lights included. No wonder my back hurts, since this is a nine-foot tree that we are talking about. x.x Oigh. Now the tree is up and it looks all pretty and even the Mac has Christmas spirit, since I put a photograph of lights in the background that I took. :P

Dinner was a quiet affair with my small family unit. I'm glad my grampa was able to make it: he couldn't on Thanksgiving because of his arm.

As you can see, I'm feeling quite better (and I hope I didn't jinx myself by saying that). Of course, there are still ups and downs (I had two slight panics today: one was a the fleamarket, probably caused by the combination of me being in a mood and the huge crowds). The Celexa has worked okay so far, with no side effects! It seems promising.

Well, I hope everyone has a peaceful Nochebuena with those you love. I spent it with my family, but my boyfriend was missing due to previous arrangements. :( Oh well. Good night everyone!

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Proof that depressives are one inch away from insane and that their eloquence is fleeting.

I'm crying like a maniac because I argued with my boyfriend and I think no one cares about my puny existence, not my mom, not my dad, not my dog, not my Damian, not God, not you.

Stella thinks she lost it.

I medicate, therefore I am.

Yesterday, I quit using Effexor. It pretty much was killing me. The side-effects were horrible: I basically had the entire list of side-effects. Nausea, confusion, tachycardia, dry mouth, etc. It even made me suicidal, so switching was definitely the correct choice. I haven't really talked about that last bit because I'm not too thrilled about disclosing it, but I figure, I've been open about everything so far, so. There. Plus, I don't want to have to explain to any visitors why my mother freaks out if I spend more than seven minutes in the bathroom.

Sometimes I wonder if the depression is over and I'm stuck in this limbo of catatonia. Quite frankly, I don't really care about anything. People have to arse me out of the house, and usually, they're not successful (ask Damian). At least I'm eating on a regular basis now. I'm not really getting good sleep because I have confusing dreams and such.

The psychiatrist has asked me to keep a diary, jotting down all the times I have negative thoughts and such. She also switched my medication, and I will start Celexa tomorrow. I don't want to take any pills, but apparently, my case is serious enough to require psychotherapy and medication. To be honest, I might have had low-level depression since last year, coming and going, but it never got so bad as now. This major depressive episode has lasted more than a month so it's serious.

She also asked me to buy a book called Feeling Good. Oh Lord. I'm not too happy about reading self-help, but, it seems I have no other choice. As long as it helps me get out of this hole and take me to the way I was, we're fine.

We still haven't put up the tree: mom says that this Christmas is not worth celebrating. I don't know. I wake up every morning, hoping that I will be back to my old self. But I'm still this person that doesn't really feel anything. I'm a shell of my former self. A shadow.

My biggest regret is not having addressed the problem sooner. I had started seeing the signs of depression in September and I'd made an appointment with the psychologist. I never went. Now, it's all over the edge and I wonder all the time: if I'd gone then, would I be this way? I've given so many people so much suffering. Would this have been avoided? There's no way to know. The psychiatrist says that back then I wasn't ready to address the problem and that I am now. Whatever. I just wish I could turn back time and fix so many things, but I can't.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Life keeps moving.

I no longer count the days when I've been taking pills. I think this is the third week. Well, it's not a complete third week yet, but it will soon be. *checks pill cartridge* In two days.

There are days when I feel I am myself again. Days when I can look into my boyfriend's eyes and think I'm back again. And then I get jealous when he mentions other girls. And then there are days when I can feel nothing, when I can't even recall a moment when I was happy or when I was hurt or anything. It's just a void.

Every night I pray to God to make it go away. Just to please, make the pain go away. Make the numbness disappear and bring the old me back, the one that ate four times a day and was still hungry, the one who couldn't wait for people to get online, the one that anxiously looked forward to every Friday, at 7 o' clock when I would get to see my boyfriend.

My boyfriend, the man who deserves so much for what he's going through. He never asked for this yet he stays and endures and perseveres. He is by my side every step of the way and I cannot be more thankful for that. He is involved with the One-Woman Homage to the Exorcist: me.

I feel like I have lost all hope. Perhaps it's because I'm going through one of the empty days, the sad days, when I check the clock and anxiously await it to be gone. I miss my life. But in a way, I don't really miss it, because I can't feel anything at all.

In two days, it'll be 14 years since my grandmother died. I wonder if that has anything to do with my depression as well. I used to hate Christmas, after her death, and I only put the tree up for her. I don't want any presents, I just want to feel good. I want to shine again.

Someone wrote that I am very courageous for putting this out in the public. Maybe I am. Maybe I should be. But at the same time, there is nothing left to hide. This is me, broken and battered and bruised and forcing myself to live because that's the way it has to be. I have to beat this. Otherwise, where else can I go?

I wonder if I'll ever be able to blog again. Or read these entries. This is all so difficult, but I feel I have to write. And I have to tell you, all of you, who have friends, family, loved ones who suffer from depression: those people love you. They just can't feel it or express it because they are so numb. So don't give up, don't push them away. Be with them because they need you as much as you need them.

I love you.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Back again.

I've been meaning to post for a few days now, but I keep postponing and leaving it for later. I figure, what better time than now, when my boyfriend doesn't have me in his evil clutches?

I'm aware that I've been pretty disconnected from the world and for that I apologize, but a part of me needed this silence to deal with everything. As of today, I have a new job: I start, God willing, in January. That job, and my schoolwork, is all I'll be able to handle next semester. I really don't want to kill myself like I did this year. A small panic attack occurred when I called about the job: I thought, oh my God, am I doing it again? Am I setting myself up for another breakdown? But I managed to calm myself down and realize that it would only be three days a week and I wouldn't work my weekend job so...I wouldn't be abusing myself.

Another thing is that my appetite is back! I'm eating two or three times a day now, but my stomach is still tiny from those days of not eating so I don't eat a lot. But everyone's making sure I gain the pounds back by giving me lots of fast food and candy. Ha!

Also, I realized just how lucky I am to have all these people around me giving me their attention and undying support. Be it online or offline, everybody has been attentive and understanding with my condition. There are others who have to go through this alone, and I feel for them, because those dark days aren't times I wish on anybody. Being trapped in a body that is full of pain and doesn't function, well...I don't wish it even on the President of the US and everyone knows how much I hate him.

I have now been taking anti-depressants for two weeks. Fourteen days of pill-popping. I honestly don't think that the pills have made much of a difference, because I started to get better on the third day of the lower dosage (I am currently on 75 milligrams of Effexor). I believe that the change was caused by my own will, by my own choice to get better. But at least I have the pills there in case my will fails, I guess. I'm not too fond of having to take them, but I recognize the fear and desperation that my doctor had to have been in to prescribe them.

There are daily small panics and anxieties, but for the most part I am good. There is still a dull pain in my chest, but, hopefully, it will soon go away. There are days when I am back to my jolly old self again and then there are days when I'm stuck half-way, on the threshold between the dark and the light. But I've made a choice and I'm sticking with it. I chose to get better and I'm going to fight till I get out of this depression. I don't ever want to go into the dark days again.

Monday, November 27, 2006

One step at a time.

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone that has left comments and has given me their support. You don't know how much it means to me. It's really helped in this crappy hole of a time. Thank you, so much.

Second, I am much much better. Compared to how I was before, I am fantastic. Of course, I'm still on the road to recovery, but all of a sudden it seems like an open road. I hope I didn't just jinx myself. '.' The anorexia is in check: I am finally eating again. Solid foods! Holy poo on toast people...I went down a whole clothes size (four or more pounds in as many days), but now I'm actually able to eat. Which is good.

(And before anyone freaks out, anorexia is common in severe depression: I just couldn't eat anything, no matter how hard I tried.)

Let's just hope that the good days keep coming. Thank you all for your support and your thoughts and prayers. Keep them coming! :) Meanwhile, I'll keep chugging on, one step at a time.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Just say yes.

Last night I felt so much better, I figured, HEY. I can sleep without Ambien!

Wrong. W-R-O-N-G.

I tossed and turned for hours, having hysterical and nonsensical thoughts. I had weird dreams. All in all, I think I only got two to three hours of sleep because I woke up at 7, on the clock, once again.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist this morning and after that I'm going to try to see Damian, my boyfriend. What's hit me the hardest during this depression is the pushing people away, in particular, my boyfriend. I cannot understand it, and I've been reading up and apparently this is normal. But I still don't understand.

I love him and I want to be with him, but in this void that I am in, I can feel nothing but panic and negative thoughts.

My psychologist/family friend is being quite helpful though, mainly because he is a family friend and I know he wants me to get better (like all y'all who read this blog and have left comments).

I think what I have to say is: Yes, I have depression. And I'm doing my best to deal with it. And I'm going to kick it in the butt. And I will learn to love again.


Anyway. I don't know if I've said it, but I've quit my job. I have weekends again. I no longer wake up with the feeling of dread of "ugh shit. job." For now, I have an "indefinite leave." We'll see. But I am broke once again, depending on my parents. Part of me feels bad, and the other part is like: well, I'm 23. I'm still living with my parents. And I'm in a rough patch. Soooo. Stop it.

I told my friend that she can't come over for Christmas because of what's happening and I am glad that she was so okay about it. She just wants me to get better. Hopefully, I will. There are moments when I am fine and I can see the light in the tunnel with clarity, and then I plummet down back into the hole. I have to fight this, otherwise it won't stop. And it has to stop. For the sake of my sanity.

I know I said that I wouldn't blog, but the word vomit kind of helps. I have to learn to be selfish, as everybody says. To stop wallowing in misery and pull myself together.

Here goes nothing.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Day 3 of meds.

I was better on Wednesday night and Thursday morning, but in the afternoon it all took a turn for the worse. The panic, the horrible thoughts. I keep thinking that I won't be able to get out of this and that I'll never be able to love again.

Everybody keeps saying, think poz! But it's hard. It feels like dying.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

What is depression?

I know that I'd said that I wouldn't blog, but I guess I need the release. I also guess I need to let everyone know what I'm going through. Or at least, to get it all out and try to get my shit together again.

I am now on anti-depressants. The doctor said they might take from one to two weeks to work. For me, that's one to two weeks too long, but I just have to hang in there before I just crawl in to bed with a bottle of Ambien.

(Well, kidding, the Ambien, which is a sleeping pill, isn't working.)

So what is depression. Depression is feeling like you're going to die, that you're dying, that this pain in your chest will never go away ever again. It feels like you are a shell of emptiness in which you can't feel anything and all you can do is be numb. It feels like you don't love the people you would give your life for. It feels like hell and I don't wish it on anybody, not even on my worse enemy. It feels horrifyingly alone, it is debilitating.

There have been days when the angst has been so horrible that I've had to bawl all day to try to understand what's going on. There are days when I'm a little more functional, like now. Yesterday, I saw my boyfriend, the poor soul that has to put up with this the most and I made him promise me that everything will be okay. The man deserves a medal and free internet for life. But it's so hard to remain positive. It's so hard not to be overwhelmed by the negativity. It's so difficult to believe that I will be able to start over again and that I will be a better and stronger person for it. I'm scared.

Right now, I feel a little better. Last night I felt a whole lot better, but this comes and goes. It takes a lot of effort, an effort that is exhausting and painful, and I have to remind myself all the time that this too shall pass. I've actually been able to eat after about three days of not eating or eating very little. I was able to have a very small breakfast and dinner on tuesday and last night and this morning I was actually able to eat cereal. People, compared to how I was, this is vastly improved. Even if I have to force myself to interact, I do it, because I know I will get better, even if I have to start from scratch.

I have to promise myself that I can start again. But more importantly, I have to believe it. I have to say it over and over again until it dulls the pain and the ideas that come along with depression. I just want to be okay. I want to be happy. I want to be the way I was, but I wonder if I can achieve that.

And I am so glad that Tom Cruise doesn't run the meds in the world. Otherwise, I'd be fucked.

So that's it. For now. I might do some more word vomit here every once in a while. I have to be selfish, I have to take care of myself, so I'm quitting my job. This is the first time I will be unemployed in five years. This is the first time I'll have a weekend in five years! Wow...

Oh well. Thank God for meds. Now let's hope that the meds actually do work.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006



I will probably be away for a while. A series of things have happened that have led to a breakdown from which I am desperately trying to recover. I am doing the best I can: I am getting therapy, taking anti-anxiety pills (soon anti-depressants), and having tests done.

I know that a lot of people don't care or truly believe in God, but, please, pray for me and for my well-being. Pray that everything works alright. Pray that I can be a shiny person in this God-forsaken world.

When will I come back? Who knows. If anyone feels compelled to write, do so. I will probably write back. I just won't blog. :/

Thanks everyone. I know you will understand.

Friday, November 17, 2006

A little on the sick side.

I woke up this morning and felt a little under the weather. I've been fighting a cold for about a week now, and I was doing pretty well! However, I think since the semester is winding down and I'm giving myself more space to wind down, the cold creeped up on me and seized me in it's balmy paws. Yuch. I was going to work out, but I'm just way too tired.

And I hate that stupid sales tax. Ugh. Stupid governor. May he never cross my path.

Anyway. I made a necklace last night. Since the original version cost 153 dollars (money that I can't really dispose of right now), I decided to buy some stones and just do it myself :P It turned out quite well, I think...

It's made out of fabric scraps, brass wire, and the stones are garnet and gray quartz :) Not too shabby, if I say so myself!

Well, I have to go...have to clean up my room and bake my dad a cake. It's his birthday today! :P

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Well, that was fun.

I tried making monster-shaped cookies for tonight's presentation, and that went fantastically wrong. Never trust a recipe that hasn't been recommended by someone. I am currently covered in flour, surrounded by poor-tasting cookies, and looking at the mess I have to clean up. I now admire and respect people who make perfectly shaped cookies that taste good too. Oh Martha. Have you sold your soul to the Devil?

Oh well. I'll just make brownies. Every man, woman, and child loves a brownie, right? :D

In other news, I'm soooo anxious. My monster presentation is today (in which I talk about human monsters: serial killers, rapists, necrophiles. Wonderful, no?) and I guess I'm nervous about that because I've never taken classes with this professor before and I don't want to fuck it up. But I think the real reasons why I'm about to puke all over the kitchen is that I have a meeting today with my (still? old?) boss from the magazine. I don't think it's a secret that I am hurt by her secrecy and cloak-and-dagger methods. But I guess what really crowned everything was the fact that everybody else got an important email and I got nothing. I just got a one-line e-mail.

I'm doing my best to keep my head up: I tell myself, why would I want to be involved in an environment like that? But the magazine is important to me, not because of the paycheck or the shiny job title, but because it represented the students. This sucks. At least I know that, if I'm let go, the reason is that "there is no money." It's not personal, it's "business."

I know that everybody is probably sick and tired of hearing me complain. But I have to express myself. >.>

Anyway. I still haven't heard from my possible future job and that has me antsy as well. I really want this job, it will take my mind off of the other job fiasco and it would help me later if I want to go into magazines/publishing. *crosses fingers*

Also, I'm planning on submitting to yet another conference. I consulted my advisor about it, we'll see how it goes. I'm not happy that it starts on the same day as my boyfriend's birthday, but, who knows if I'll even apply or get accepted! Whatever will happen, it will occur for a reason.

And now I have to go. I am totally covered in flour. Ugh!

Saturday, November 11, 2006

My darlings!

Last night I went to the movies for the first time since summer. I think. Damian and I went to see The Prestige, and, let me tell you, everybody should go see it. It's fantastic. If you've read the novel, the ending is quite different, but I think the movie is worth it. And, no, I'm not saying this because Hugh Jackman, Christian Bale, and David Bowie are in THE SAME FILM. That is totally not the reason. At all!

I think my favorite part of the movie (aside from the field of light) is when David Bowie appears onscreen. I'm fairly sure I made loud squeaky noises. Why? Because David Bowie owns.

Everyone, go see The Prestige! Now!

In other news, it seems everyone has their wishlists up on their blogs. Hmm. I haven't put up mine. Hmm. Oh well, I'll do it soon enough. Besides, most of what I'd like is books. ^_^

Anyway. D finally installed Quake on my Mac and, believe me, it's been a lifesaver. I played it all day at work today and I was stress free. :) Yay! I crashed it several times though...sweet Jesus Christ, someone, hire me to crash your computers and your games. It comes to me naturally.

I also wore my darling Yves Saint Laurent shoes to much attention. They got lots of comments and my feet got some cramps, but it was worth it. :)

I'm fairly sure I had something else to say, but I totally forgot. How odd, no? :P

Friday, November 10, 2006

All I want in life is a shirt dress.

Well, I want other things too. Marriage, kids, a job I enjoy and pays very well. But, I really want a shirt dress.

Ever since I saw one on Sofia Coppola, it was love and jealousy. I wanted one of those dresses. Yet I couldn't find them. Cannot, to this day. They elude me, like the answer to the meaning of life and the winning lottery ticket.

Twice I've come close, and twice I have failed. Once, I didn't buy it because I was too skinny and the dress was too big (I should've bought it, it's not like my underweightness would last forever) and then, not so long ago, it was too short and tight. Woe, when will I find thee, oh perfect shirt dress.

My only hope is finding one a) online b) next time I go to New York c) in Europe. But, I want a shirt dress, damn it.

In other shopping news, Aldo is officially on my Shit List. Yes, with upper case letters, people. I went again to try to get The Boots (you know, slip on, yummy, odorous, supple leather high heeled boots) and, once again, they don't have them in a size ten. The attendants kind of freaked because they know I've gone to the store several times and they have not been able to step up to the plate. I'm really disappointed. Tsk tsk.

I guess I'll either have to wait for them to actually bring a pair of shoes in size ten or wait till I travel to try to find a pair. Sigh.

I still remember the Shoe Massacre in Spain. No shoe fit me. Sigh. The problem with my feet (and legs) is that, well, I have size 10-11 feet. Hard to find size. The other problem is that the leg part of boots is always huge on me since, compared to my shoe size, my legs are very thin. *shakes fist* Someday, I will find the perfect boot.

Wow, this has been a very fashion-heavy post.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Oh. Shit.

Since I had to take care of grampa today, I completely forgot the Graduate Committee meeting.

Oh shit.

I think I go retreat to my coccoon now.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Blogging replaces studying.

Dear God, how many times have I seen Terminator and Terminator 2? Turns out they've been playing them over and over again because it's election time and The Governator might be in the running. Heh. Oh well, the one I really want to see again is Rise of the Machines, but they're not playing it anywhere. Hmm. Am I actually going to have to rent it?

I have to rent Blade Runner and A.I. for my last two portfolios. I've seen Blade Runner, but I can't recall much detail. And A.I. I just don't want to see. The movie was so depressing.

Anyway, I've tried reading for Theory & Criticism and once again, my brain implodes. I don't know if it's because I've been up and down lately or if it's because of the class. I think it might be the class, since I'm ok reading for my Special Topics class, but I do have difficulty concentrating. Hmm.

One of my professors/thesis committee members has been trying to get me a job (since I am underemployed, people) ever since I mentioned to her the problems with Pastiche. She told me about a position at the beginning of the semester, but I didn't accept it because I still had hope that Pastiche would rise again. But now, it's pretty dead and I need another job. Cambridge isn't free and I'm not sure the university will give us a lot of money. So the professor approached me again with another position! Hopefully, I will get this one. Keep your fingers crossed, everyone.

Remind me again why Medieval Literary Theory is necessary? *sighs*

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Secret agenda.

So I've been playing catch up with all my academic issues this weekend. So far, I revised my now nine page SLA essay due tomorrow, worked on seven portfolios, and read up on the info missing for the portfolios. I haven't touched any of the reading for Theory and Criticism, I guess I'll do that on Tuesday. >.>

I'm feeling better, but I'm not going to lie, there are moments of paranoia and anxiety. Right now, I'm amping myself up to kick this semester in the ass. Only four weeks left, might as well go all the way.

The chair of my thesis committee is really excited about my thesis subject and he's already talking to me about it. And I'm supposed to start it in August of next year. Well, at least that means I have support and I will be arsed into finishing on time!

Supposedly, labor on the Consultation Committee will be done this month. How true this is depends on whether we actually agree on a candidate or not. We'll see. I finally understand why some students just give up caring about their departments. After seeing all the inner conflict and infantile behavior displayed by department members, anyone would be disheartened. (And this is common knowledge, I'm not divulging anything from any meeting, before anyone tries to dooce me.)

Anyway, as for the secret agenda mentioned in the title, it's my boyfriend's. Well, it's not too secret: he plans on installing Quake on my Mac. He even got me a mouse so I could play it and found me llama and T-800 character skins so I could get into it! Ha! Nah, but I know he does it to give me something to get distracted with so I don't get anxious. But sometimes I wonder...maybe he just wants me to join the Dark Side...of Gamers, that is. :P

Mom got me a Top 10 London guide so I can brush up on things to do when I'm over there next summer (if everything goes well). I'm excited but also scared. Which reminds me, I haven't e-mailed the Cambridge people. >.> Oops. Oh well, I think near breakdowns are excusable. x.x

By the way, does anybody know if Bluefly is going to have a Thanksgiving sale? Because there is a pair of Delman shoes that is just singing a siren song at me. >.>

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Dealing with insurance.

I just got off the phone with the insurance company, they had me waiting for a good chunk of time, listening to bad elevator music. Ugh. The closest appointment they could give me was November 27. What a way to end Thanksgiving weekend.

Thanks to everyone who left a comment on the accident entry. Physically, I'm okay, it's the psychological that's damaged. I just keep waiting for things to get worse and I have this constant anxiety. I think I've aged several years in this past month, with everything that's happened. I think I've been crying on a daily basis this past month and add to that the feeling that I'm letting everybody down and just being a general disappointment. I'm not saying this for anyone to feel bad or to pity me, I'm just saying it because it's the truth. So much has happened and I've done my best to deal with it, but I'm human and I have limits. One can only do so much before they crack.

Taking it one step at a time and I'm lucky that I don't really have much class this week. Ever since the accident, I've been wanting to skip class and I haven't out of sheer duty. But today is my day off. I was going to catch up on some school stuff, but I know I'm not capable of doing anything right now. I really need a break.

The accident wasn't my fault: it's the fault of the van that was blocking the lane and the view. However, since the van driver sped off immediately after he got a ticket, I'm the one that has to deal with the insurance stuff since I hit the other car. However, it's the van's fault: it's called "negligencia sin colision" negligence without collision. Oh well. I reported him to the company, we'll see what happens.

I'm just glad the semester is almost over. Here's hoping that things can only get better.

I think I'll go to the mall for a while and look at all the pretty things in an attempt to cheer myself up.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!

Today is one of my favorite holidays. Why? Because you get to dress up, harass people for candy, and it's allowed! Sadly, I'm not going anywhere this year (bad car and just downright paranoia) so, no dressing up. Sad face! However, if I was going to dress up, I already had ideas :P

Mana (from Malice Mizer)
GoGo (Kill Bill)
V (I think this needs no explanation whatsoever

The fact that I have the same haircut as all those people/characters is definitely influential!

However, if it had to be one of those couples costumes, I guess I have that covered too?

GoGo & a Crazy 88
V & Evey (and D would be Evey since he a) has the haircut b) I AM V)
Sayuri and The Chairman (yay, heritage)


Unfortunately, no parties for me. Sadness.

Happy Trick or Treating everyone! I hope your day is full of candy and awesomeness!

Monday, October 30, 2006

This is just not my month.

As I was going to my dad's shop to hand him the keys to grandpa's house, I had an accident. Woohoo.

A car was blocking my view (and the road) and I was inching forward to see the road when, bam. I hit an old lady. (Why is it always an old lady) Promptly, I parked, got out of the car, started shaking and broke down in tears. However, I was lucky. Our family lawyer and a police officer saw it and they saw that it wasn't my fault. The car that was blocking the road and view immediately wanted to get out of the scene, but thank God, the cop was on him and gave him a ticket for causing the accident.

Still, since the ones involved in the actual hit were the old lady and I, we're the ones that have to do the insurance thing. Thankfully, everybody was very nice and they understood that it was the van's fault. I can't say that I'm happy, but at least it didn't get worse. (Because it could have.)

Cars breaking down, relatives with broken bones, work, and this. It's just not my time of the year.

Right now, I'm sort of sedated. I'm not anxious or crazy at all. I guess I think: well, that's all now. Nothing more. But I'm lucky. It could've been worse. There could've been no witnesses and then where would I be?

Dad was very understanding and he helped calm me down (I was still weeping and shaking). I thought he would be all upset and angry, but he wasn't. He actually cheered me up a bit. Wow. I guess he was just happy I was okay and things weren't really that bad.

I'm going out for a jog...I need it.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Culinary Adventures.

There's no other way around it so I'll just say it.

I ate cactus.


Last night I went with my parents to one of my favorite haunts, an organic restaurant in Cabo Rojo called Asiquesi. My dad was totally game but my mother was most definitely not. I saw cactus on the menu and I figured, why not? Life is short. It didn't taste bad, but it isn't something I'd eat all the time. It is definitely an acquired taste though. No more cactus for me!

I have a crapload of stuff for this week. Clean room (again). Write up presentation on monsters. Rewrite essay for SLA. Finish all portfolios (oh shit). Watch Blade Runner for portfolio. Pay credit card. Order dad's birthday present. Resist lure of Marni boots.
Send letter for Cambridge. Distribute flyers for UPenn. And, at some point, get some sleep. La.

Keep in mind, I'm not complaining, this is more of a to-do list. In only four weeks, it'll all be over until January and that is about, 522 levels of awesome. Yay, vacation!

I had nasty dreams last night. I dreamt of aliens (the thin, big-eyed kind, those are the ones that scare me) and then, I woke up within the dream, and there was someone watching me in the dream. *shudders* I was scared that it was another night terror episode, but at least I could breathe.

Also I'm very stressed and scared that all the money I'm saving this semester is for the Cambridge trip. All of it. I know that when that money goes I'm going to suffer, but it will be worth it in the end. I hope. *gulp*

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

What a doozy.

And I think that's an understatement.

Everyone knows that I have been a bit hectic the past few weeks, but, in the past three days things just blew out of proportion. I've had two cars break down on me in less than 36 hours, internet and phone outages, and other stuff that I won't mention.

Oh, and it's that time of the month, so it just keeps getting worse.

Monday as I was getting out of class (translation: after 9:15PM), my car broke down on the way home. Yes, my car broke down again, less than two months after the previous breakdown. I freaked, put it in neutral, and parked it in front of Centro Medico. I called my parents, line was busy, called my boyfriend, and he came over to keep me company until everything was solved. (Which means he stayed until 11pm plus until my car got towed.) I got home after midnight and went to sleep at about one.

(Plus, I'd had to take allergy pills, and I was dizzy, nauseous, and I had tachycardia.)

Next day, I wake up at about 7 to go into town with dad so I can walk from one side of town to the other to ask gramps for his car (since he fractured his arm and can't drive). He was more than happy to oblige. Problem solved!

For now.

Today, as I was going to take care of gramps (since he can't really fend for himself with his fractured arm), the car, his car, the car he lent me, broke down. I managed to start it up, go to his house, and everything seemed to be fine until I left his house an hour later and the car died. On a hill. Fun.

Thankfully, it seems the problem was solved, but that didn't stop me from breaking down and crying. School, personal situations, and then the car. I could've sworn God was punishing me for something. Either that, or cars just don't like me. I called Damian and waited for my dad to show. And cried, of course.

I'm trying to focus on the positive (that my boyfriend kept me, his hysterical girlfriend, company, the fact that I've had cars at my disposal to transport myself, that my parents are doing everything they can, etc), but I keep going back to all the negatives (school, committees, a very bad appointment to a committee, personal problems, work, Cambridge funds).

The worst part is that after I cry and am all vulnerable and such, I just shut off how I feel and I become this bitter, hardened person that thinks nobody cares. In fact, I erased and rewrote this post about three times because I was struggling whether or not to write about it. I'm fairly sure this is because of the alienation I feel from the rest of the grad students and from my friends (whom I barely see). The only person I see on a fairly constant basis is D, and usually I'm too tired or high-strung to be coherent. :/ I guess I need to put myself first instead of working myself within an inch of existence.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Cheap Thrills

I'm one of those people that is just as happy wearing Yves Saint Laurent shoes as I am wearing a one dollar t-shirt from a flea market. Of course, I love brands and nice things, but I also love The Find, the one inexpensive fabulous thing that totally makes your day.

Today I did the latter, the inexpensive purchase. I bought two three dollar shirts at a "Venta del Pasillo" and I couldn't be prouder. I needed some new camisoles (since I've worn the ones I have to shreds and I've already had to throw away four) so I'm quite happy with my new purchases!

There's also another new purchase in my life that I haven't talked about since I honestly forgot. All this running around for work and school and family situations is not good at all for my short-term memory. Anyway, the other day I waltzed into Gordon's, with no plans of actually purchasing something. But I did. I found this thin, half-round pavé ring that I saw as the substitute for the ring I usually wear on that all-important finger (you know, the one that says "fuck off, I'm taken"). The one I always wear is the one my mother gave me, but I can't take that when I'm out of the country due to the fact that it's not insured. And that the ring has been in the family for around 40 to 50 years and if I lose it my mother will kill me, my grandmother will return from her grave and kill me again, and my father as well. So, getting an alternate has been a wise choice. And I'm quite happy with it as well!

It was relatively low-priced and it is the tiniest piece of jewelry I've ever worn, or, at least D thinks so. He was so surprised when he saw it, he actually said, "the diamonds, they're so tiny!" He is highly amused.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

A moment of peace?

What can I say? I'm not good for conversation lately. Usually I just say "I'm tired" or I stare off into the emptiness and say "wha?" The past couple of weeks have been hectic and the upcoming ones are shaping up to be more of the same.

I haven't blogged out of sheer exhaustion. That and my brain is too muddled to write. I think I booked myself to the point of insanity, what with all these associations, committees, meetings, responsibilites. But I'm not going to give up. I know I can do this! Yar!

Another reason why life has been hectic lately is an incident involving my grandfather. He took quite a tumble and fractured his shoulder, and now we have to take care of him and take him to the doctors and such. Since we're the only family he has over here (correction: the only family who cares), we have to take care of him. He's been even more depressed since he fell. He feels useless and incapacitated. Poor gramps.

As I reread this post I realize that it doesn't sound like me at all. It's so automatic and void of expression, but I guess that's how I feel. Yesterday I was just so exhausted. I came close to passing out several times. That, and a cold keeps trying to take me down. But I am armed with my trusty vitamins and garlic pills. Oh, and Ricola.

Thankfully, there is only six weeks of class left. Only six weeks of class, commitments, meetings, flyers, responsibilities. I wonder, at the end, who really gives a shit about everything one does? But then I think, I give a shit. And it matters to people that I do.

I have to work on a presentation for my wednesday class, I guess this is some sort of reminder note for myself.

Oh well, I'll stop blogging now. Sorry everyone for not being very active in commmenting in your blogs, but I read them! I just don't have the capacity to write a clever comment. :/

Take care, everyone!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Let there be light.

The past couple of days can be summed up in the following words: rain, rain, and more rain. So, us west-end islanders hope to see the sun soon.

Also, the only thing I've been seeing the past couple of days is books and this here computer. I'm desperately trying to finish up all my scholastic loose ends before tomorrow, doesn't seem very likely. (Thanks, electricity, for going out and not letting me charge the laptop.) However, I have made great progress. I'm close to finishing the portfolios for my Wednesday class, I'm only missing one assignment from my SLA class, and my Theory and Criticism work just needs to be typed out. But my brain feels like it's turning to mush. I can't wait to be done with all of it. Must hold on, only 7 weeks of classes left!

I also have to work on some flyers. Hmm.

Anyway, before I forget, thanks Iguana Lola for the Theory & Criticism books. :) And thanks Gabo for your Snakes on a Party. And to Dave for the kick-ass bibliography!

Well, I go either to wander aimlessly around the house or pay a visit to the fridge. Catch you all later!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Do my best!

Wow, that title is very Miyazawa Yukino. >.>

Anyway, I finally got out of bloody work. Back to working on weekends. No more subbing for my stupid immediate superior. Freedom feels like frolicking across fields and being carefree.

Sadly, the freedom lasted for about two hours.

Back to ye' olde school grind, but this time with a lot of meetings. I've decided (along with some input from Clan Boobie and The Boyfriend) that I need to downsize my responsibilities before a) I grow murderous (well, I actually already am murderous) b) actually commit a homicide. But, apparently, that is not going to happen any time soon. I've been sort of appointed as the leader of the upcoming Cambridge session.

Yes, I want to go, I'm planning on going, and any help anybody can give is totally appreciated. And by help, I mean money. :D

Anyways, the relaxing part of my life should start around Christmas, when I will be taking several days off to entertain friends. :)

I'm fairly sure that I have other things to say, but, right now, my brain is just...not functioning, so take care everyone!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Hating this week with the fury of a thousand monkeys.

This whole waking up at 7am and going to work thing is clearly not working out. Specially when I'm waking up this early to go work at the job I don't like, guh.

I've been obscenely tired all this week which on one hand is good because when I go to bed, I actually rest, not toss and turn like usual. But I'm spaced most of the time, even in class, because my body just can't seem to fully recharge its batteries. I'm not really taking in anything...I'm just in Zombie Auto-Pilot Mode. Just have to remind myself that it's only until next Monday. >_<

Anyway. This is my way of saying to the world: I'm sorry if I sound retarded, but my sentence formulating capabilites are severely lessened due to lack of restful sleep and hating my job.

And I had the most disgusting dream this morning that had to do with being transferred to some snooty private school and that D was smoking. Repeatedly. In front of me. And that he couldn't understand why I was upset. And he also was acting like a flaming butthole in the dream. Ugh. I hate my subconscious.

*goes to work*

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


So, after two long years of waiting. After so many dreams. So many lost opportunities. I finally have it.

I got my iPod!

It arrived today, all 80gb of music storing glory. Ah. *delight* So happy. It is already stuffed with music (well, not stuffed...I put only 17 gigs from the mac) encased in its Coach protective case. Ha.

And because I'm addicted to blogger's photo upload thing, here it is:

Happy happy, joy joy. My dad thought it was hilarious that Jack Sparrow was on the box being a pirate fan and all.

*continues fiddling around with iPod*

Sunday, October 01, 2006

A very piratey birthday (yar!)

My boyfriend led me to believe that last Friday was a low-key dinner to celebrate my birthday. I was bummed because everybody was too busy for us to hang out until late October and was resigned to never ever have a birthday party. Much less a pirate birthday party!

But lo and behold, the Boy and Clan Boobie strike again...

Needless to say, I was very happy. :) I'd been commenting on wanting to do a pirate-themed birthday party for some time, but, per usual, I chickened out. Boo. D contacted Clan Boobie and then sneaked into my cellphone and Adium account to get my nearest and dearest to show up. (And before anyone tells me, no, I never plan on letting that man go. He is much too awesome.) They all masterminded this party behind my back...ha! The cake was delicious, the food was delicious, the drinks were just what the pirates ordered, and the company was fantastic. Thanks you guys. You really made my birthday special. :)

And here's everyone in their piratey finest.

And, the pirate layout? Also D...the boy has really gone above and beyond to make me feel special. :) *keeps*

Friday, September 29, 2006

I've trained him well...

So, apparently, I've dragged my boyfriend enough times into a Coach store that he can now recognize them on his own. Either I've turned off his male gene (which I doubt) or I've awakened the comatose shopping gene.

It is slightly awesome, however. Because that means I could totally ask him to buy me something Coach. And he would know what to buy. :D (Not that he would. He's still wrapping his mind around the concept of designer shoes.)

Boyfriend would like to point out that he can only tell the Signature line...but still, better something than nothing!

*evil cackles ensue*

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I bet you think this post is about you, don't you?

I just realized that I'm kind of fucked this weekend.

I have two essays to hand in for Monday and Tuesday and I have not started work on either of them. Mainly because of apathy and because I have zero idea of what to do for content. x.x Ack.

Another thing is that these feminist readings are really starting to grate on me. Some of the articles are quite extremist...denouncing all heterosexuality as rape, for one. Someone once said that they hated feminists, I think I finally understand why. I've never considered myself a feminist because I never thought gender mattered. An innocent (perhaps stupid) notion, but I didn't care. I never saw myself as inferior to any male. So, to me, all these reactions are just...radical. I am aware that there are constructs about how females are supposed to act, react, and conform and I also accept that I use them at times. As in, men can do the heavy lifting, computer stuff, etc. But is there no power in willingly making that choice? All this theory is confusing. And it can be so infuriating.

I think this whole gender thing has been doing laps in my head ever since a professor commented that I never address femininity in my argumentative style. Why should I? The behavior is regarded as tomboyish/masculine, but I never needed any man. I was pretty capable of handling myself and whatever chore they threw at me. (Pushing cars? Ok. Hauling sacks of corn? Alright.) The art and artifice of femininity was something I grew into as I grew up. I like wearing pretty clothes and nice jewelry and sexy shoes, but I feel equally alright when I am genderless, when I wear loose jeans and a sleeveless shirt. Or when I wear workout clothes. In fact, I'm confident in that attire.

I do hope I'm not rambling.

Anyway. My point is, I just think everything is equal. I never approach anything thinking about the sex/gender/sexuality of the other person because it doesn't matter. Those things don't make you superior or inferior to anyone. What matters is the subject, dammit. Everything else is just randomness.

I guess that's why I'm still getting used to having doors opened and bags carried for me. I did it for myself, not in some sort of grand protest to male/female roles. Oigh. My head hurts from thinking about this so much. xD

One last thing. As far as D and I go, I consider us equal. There are things that one of us can do and the other can't, so we complement each other. I don't see it as some race of who has the upper hand or who is the dominant in the relationship. I don't think he sees it like that either. It's a cooperation, a compromise. Just let it flow.

In other subjects, I'm working on the eBay post and on the wishlist post. It'll be more of a "things I so wish I could have and some day I may track down on eBay" post, but I'll link my Amazon wishlist too. :P

And now I have to go. Must get ready to go pick up questionnaires from my Consulation Committee boss.

And, the new The Killers album is pretty damn awesome. At least, I think.

Have a good one, y'all.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A year older, a year wiser...

Years go by way too fast. o.o

Happy Birthday to the girls in the picture:

(Last year, Ruby Tuesday's in Charlottesville, VA.)

Thanks to everyone that has said cheerio! :)

So anyway, I spent some time at the mall today, got myself some earrings. I haven't worn earrings in some time and I want to start again! But since my hair is so long, I've been looking for some studs that won't get caught. I found some sterling silver ones on super sale (one dollar) and bought four pairs xD I have to get earrings in silver, gold, or platinum because that's all my ears can stand. :/ Before, I could use fantasy earrings if I covered them with polish, but now it just hurts too much. They're cute, colorful, and practical, so I'm sure they'll get lots of use. :)

Now I have to go get ready for class. x.x Uuugh.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Let them eat Quake.

The other night, at my boyfriend's house...

D: So what are we going to do now?
Me: I don't know...
D: I have this idea...of playing Quake 3...
Me: Is this part of some scheme for you to get me to approve of gaming?

I ended up playing Quake and, worse, I liked it. '.' Oh the humanity.

Anyway, I've actually done all the readings for my Theory and Criticism class. :O I feel so responsible. All that's missing is a short text analysis that can probably be done later today. So glad to be done with Marx. However, my grasp on the SLA class is poor. Why? Because the class is completely uninspiring. A piece of gum stuck under someone else's shoe is much more interesting.

And I also just finished selling my soul: ordered the new 80gb iPod...hey, I've wanted an iPod for the last two years. *eyes shine with expectation* And now, I will proceed to anxiously track the order through the USPS website :D

Also, I think I might put up a "How not to buy fakes on eBay" post since some people have asked about such.

Today is going to be a busy day...meetings, chasing people around for appointments, work, class, getting papers. In between all the things I have to do, I have to remember to actually nourish my body with nutrients. That is my note to self for the day. x.x

I'll be working next week, so if I look and sound like a bitter resentful troll, it's because I'm stuck working at that ugh weekend job of mine for a nine day stretch. I shouldn't complain, I'm getting paid, but still. I derive no satisfaction from that job. Oh well.

Thank you everybody for the props on the YSL shoes! :) I like them very much and I can't wait to use them. I'm going to try not to save them for special occasions because those puppys are much to fabulous to hole up in a box.

Hope everyone has a good day!

Oh where, oh where could my YSLs be?

So yes. Every year, for my birthday, I get myself a little present. I didn't know what to get myself this year and I figured I probably wasn't going to get anything until I chanced upon Ane's blog and saw the beauty of the Yves Saint Laurent St. Germain pumps. I searched on Bluefly, googled them, but alas...until a miracle arrived in the form of eBay. And they had them in my size...

Well, happy early birthday to me, then. :D

(Ignore my feet in the picture.)

They're actually quite comfy and the color is not as shocking as I thought. Plus, they're green. I love green.

However, I do think it's sad that I have to justify my purchase. x.x It's not like I blow my money on things all the time and, yes, I saved for this specific purpose. x.x

Will update later on more "relevant" things, such as life, academia, and actually being on top of things. For now, this.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Ramblings on a Saturday afternoon.

Guess who's the new graduate student representative?

Yesterday they tallied the votes and I actually won by a considerable margin. Whoa. I was hoping for, but not expecting that. Thanks to everybody who voted for me and gave me their confidence. For those who didn't, I hope I'll prove to you that I was the right choice, nevertheless! :P

I didn't win the presidency of the grad organization and I'm a bit disappointed about that, I'm not going to lie. But I'm also grateful. I realize I've never been in that position before and I would probably be overwhelmed. Grad representative is a lot already! But I'm still on the directive: I'm a vowel/public relations agent. :P

I'm doing some reading for my Theory class, and, finally! Something that I find interesting! We started on feminism and while I don't consider myself a hardcore feminist, I definitely enjoy this literature. I didn't like Simone de Beavouir's The Second Sex much, I kept falling asleep. :/ But I started on The Madwoman In The Attic and I'm really excited. It's fabulous. It started a lot of thinking processes that I might correlate with the paper for the symposium. Who knows!

Also, the essay got me to thinking on the hypersexualization of media figures today. How disgusting. Take Fergie for instance. Any talent she may possibly have is undermined by her appearance. (And I say possibly have because that London Bridge song is, for lack of a better word, retarded.)

Anyway. My car seems to be in its death throes. Last night as I was driving home, the speedometer died. So now I don't know at what velocity I'm going. If a cop stops me, can I use the dead speedometer as an excuse? Don't die, Shinchi!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Have you ever seen green dwarves?

Last night I got to go to a concert by a band that I like since the fourth grade. I am now (well, in a week) 23. You do the math. :D

(Enanitos Verdes courtesy of my boyfriend...I was too excited to take pictures at this point.)

Los Enanitos Verdes (The Green Dwarves) played Mayagüez last night and I made damn sure that I was there to see them. Vivanativa opened, bleh, so I'm glad we were late. The lead singer of Vivanativa has a mullet. I think that's all I need to say. x.x

At first, I tried taking pictures, but I was so excited and distracted that my boyfriend kindly took pictures for me. Yay! They played songs from the most recent album, Pescado Original (Original Fish) and they also played the classics, the songs I would sing along to in various stages of my elementary and high school life.

I think D was equal parts traumatized and entertained by me at the concert. I was a little into the whole thing, but, hey...I usually never get to go to concerts I like, so cut me some slack.

Also, this is one of the few bands in Spanish that I like. x.x So, of course, this was important to me! :D All in all, a good time. Thanks Gabo for the tickets. Those 35 dollars are on the list of most well-spent.

In other news, the dogs have decided to prove their undying love for me by returning to habits they haven't practiced in a few years. Before, they used to jump on my bed and wake me up by pawing or licking me, but they stopped. A few days ago, they started doing this again and this morning all three of them were in my room, showering me with their love! I feel special.

However, why do they have to do it at 6:45 in the morning on my day off, hmmmm? x.x

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Short lived victory.

The GRE, also known as the Graduate Record Examination, also known as the Exam That Strips You of Your Humanity, is one of the most feared moments in a student's life. That and meeting your dorm roommates for the first time. Since I haven't had the luxury of dorm life, I had to settle with the torture, I mean, GRE.

I know that many people don't like talking about it...the GRE is The Dark Mark that no student even wants to think about, but I feel that I need to exorcise this frustration out of my system. Once and for all. Well, probably not once and for all, but, at least, get rid of a little.

I took the GRE on January of 2005. It didn't help that it was being held in some offices in an industrial section of the metro area. When I walked in to the test section, I felt like I had entered some top-secret branch of the military. All students sat at individual cubicles, cameras mounted on the edges, proctors would walk around to see if students were up to anything suspicious. I'm a hyperactive person, I can't sit still, much less when I'm taking a standardized exam, so I was told several times to stop making random movements. Nice.

After about 2-3 hours of sweaty palms and math problems left unanswered, I finished the exam. I left the building feeling like a fraud. I cried most of the way home, thinking that I was stupid and that my academic career was over.

When the results arrived, math was as low as expected, writing sample was good, and the verbal was above average. My final score was 840. :/ Which was actually pretty good. I had decimated my academic perception of myself all because I freaked out. Meh.

Now, a year later, I'm looking into PhD options. The school I'd like to go to requires the GRE results and I figured that I'd be okay with my scores. But then, I checked and the scores have to be less than two years old. x.x I'd be applying for entry for Fall '08. Does this mean I have to take the GRE again? I have to apply during fall '07 to get accepted though. Is there some sort of loophole I can take advantage of?

Shit. x.x

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

A Small Triumph.

A couple of years ago, I was pretty computer savvy. Code and build with the best of them. However, as time has passed, I began to lose interest in such endeavors. I concentrated largely in design, my coding skills suffered until it came to the point that my boyfriend coded this layout. I feel bad about this change sometimes because, wow, I've been using computers since age lose a skill like that, a skill that seemed so integral to me for so long...well, it wasn't easy accepting it.

For the past two weeks, I've been trying to convert a .lit file that I need to use in one of my classes. I tried to find a way without asking my boyfriend to help. xD As I was going through some papers today, I realized that I needed to convert that file yesterday, so I got busy once again trying to change it. I found a way to do it on terminal and I tried, but failed miserably so I decided to look for other options.

Eventually, I found an obscure application that changes .lit files to .html and converted that damn ebook for class. I am proud! For I didn't have to go asking my boyfriend for help xD While this may seem silly to you, it's a small triumph for me and my degrading technological skills. x.x

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

And now, the wait.

Just sent my proposal for the Optika 2 Symposium. Now, the compulsive handwringing, twitching, kicking while asleep begins.

Yeah, I know, I'm dramatic. But, at least I accept the fact that I over-worry. xD

I really hope my proposal gets accepted, it would be a great opportunity. Sure, it'll be nerve-wracking, but it'll be a challenge.

And I did not know that Rita Hayworth was Latina! Wow...

Thanks Ki-chan, for your advice on the abstract and bio. :3

And I've been writing this whole post in random not functioning well under the milk & cookies haze.

Good night!

Diving further and further into vampirism.

So, I'm fairly sure I've said this before, but Masters classes are royally ruining my sleep schedule. Since I get out at night, my clock has been promptly reversed. While everyone is nodding off at 12, I'm still jumping around like a monkey. D asked me if I've been working out lately. Which I should. But he said it because that would tire me out and help me rest.

Or, at least, that better be why he said it, hm.

Anyway. Continuing with the strange dreams posts I began in my previous blog (a blog that I miss already, gah, separation anxiety), the other night I dreamt that I was in New York. Now, what's so strange about that, you might ask. Well, first of all, I saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while exiting the metro, D was hanging around in my dream, and then Madonna showed up, filming a music video. Never let it be said that my subconscious isn't creative.

I just e-mailed my temporary advisor, future committee member, and one-time professor the abstract I plan to submit to a symposium. I'm sort of crapping my pants about it. I hope it's good and that it gets accepted because conferences are great opportunities for grad students. She's revising it to see if it's ok, and then to send it off, hopefully to get approved by the powers that be.

Also, elections for Graduate Student Representative began today. Needless to say, the nervousness is even worse. I even developed a tick on my right hand! It's been twitching uncontrollably on and off all through the weekend. And today. Not good. Oh well, at least it will all be over this friday, and whatever happens, happens for the good of all the people involved. (That thought doesn't cancel out the fact that I'd like the position(s) though.)

And in other news, my parents got me the camera I wanted for my birthday. My birthday is in about two weeks, but, hey. They figured since I "knew" I would be getting it, I should have it now. :S I am not being by any means ungrateful, I'm very happy with my present, it's just that I miss the innocence and surprise that birthdays once had. Oh well. I guess this is growing up?

I could keep blabbing, but I should try to get some sleep now that my right hand's not twitching (it kept me awake last night). More details about other stuff later. G'night!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Beginning again.

So after five years of blogging at pitas, I've decided to pack my proverbial bags and head on to blogger. We'll see if blogger lives up to its expectations and if several undesirable people don't continue to keep tabs on me.

So, per usual, I did the layout design, but this time, my boyfriend did the coding. He has more time dealing with the peculiarities of blogger, so I figured he would do a better job. :P

I'm fairly sure I have lots of things to say, but right now, I have to threaten my printer with a bat because it's being hissy again. Good times.