Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The new buy.

Sooo, usually I get myself a little present each semester, be it a trip or a nice article of jewelry or clothing, etc. You get my drift. Since I didn't get myself anything special last semester, I decided to get it now.

I purchased a Marc Jacobs Softy Weekender Tote off eBay and I'm very excited. I really like this bag. It's perfect as a carry on bag. I'm trying to see its potential as a weekender though. But it's doable.

Here are pictures of my new toy...

Oh yes, it's big.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

100th post.

I wish it was much cheerier, but I'm not feeling great so...ever since last night I haven't wanted to leave my room. I leave it only for necessary things, like food and bathroom.

I had a good couple of days this past week. 4-5 days of actually feeling good and hopeful and affectionate, similar to how I was before this. Sadly, the good feeling started to fade when I went to the psychiatrist and psychologist appointments. Maybe it's because I hate going to them or maybe because my psychiatrist wants to switch my medication. Again.

I've considered seeking treatment in the form of medical hypnosis before, and I'm beginning to consider it again since medication isn't working and I don't think therapy is working either. I don't know what I'll do, honestly.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

On the subject of beauty.

As mom was rifling through a pile of pictures, she plucked out an old photo of her and her sisters when they were young. As always, I told my mom she was the prettiest there (and I don't say that because she's my mother, I say that because I mean it). Her two sisters, my aunts, have gone on to have numerous plastic surgeries to look as different as possible from that picture. Why? They look even worse now, with their fake body parts.

I know I shouldn't judge, but it upsets me. Why spend thousands of dollars on fixing things that were already fine to begin with? I'm not going to lie, when I was growing up, I hated my nose. My grandmother used to pinch it to make it thinner and from then on, I have the notion that my nose is huge.

My cousin has also had plastic surgery but hers was necessary. She survived a near fatal car accident and she needed to have her nose fixed, as it was damaged in the accident. That sort of plastic surgery I can defend, even applaud. She fixed something that needed fixing, and not out of pure desire to look prettier.

I know I shouldn't be one to talk, since I don't consider myself pretty at all and I have a million and one hangups about my face and my body, but I accept myself the way that I am. I don't want to go under the knife to "fix" my face. I think I'm fine as is. My nose drives me nuts at times, but I would not have rhinoplasty to make it thinner: then it wouldn't be me. It would be another cookie cutter nose. My nose, my teeth, even my broken from birth ear lobe make me, me.

We should all just embrace ourselves, hangups and all. After all, these are the only bodies we've got. Why spend time fighting them with surgery when we should embrace them by treating them right? Why have a liposuction when you can exercise? All I'm saying is that we should accept ourselves. I accept my freaky nose, my tiny goofy teeth, my ear lobe, my flat chest. Hell, I even accept the fact that I look like a bald person at times, with all the hair that falls out (but I will at some point do something about it). I don't accept my poochy stomach, but I can do something about that. I'm just too lazy. And too accepting! :P

Embrace your natural beauty, dammit! (Photo courtesy of my man, Damian)

(And I just know that my boyfriend is going to use several of the things I've said here against me the next time I complain, "but I'm so ugly!" Oh well, the price I have to pay to rant.)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I need a job.

If my lips keep chapping like they do, I might just have to get a job for all the Chapstick and Vaseline I'll have to buy to stop them from chapping.

Or I could upgrade to this:
La Mer Lip Balm 8D Yeah, I know. I'm being horrible. But hey, I've heard it's actually very good. Only thing is that it's 45 dollars. And I don't have a disposable income to justify such a purchase.

Oh well. I miss having a job and having my disposable income, but I'm holding on having a job until the start of the semester. I need to veg out, but I also want the money so I can be able to veg out properly.

I've been working this week on sowing a dress I've had for a year. It needed a lining, so I'm finally providing it. It's a DKNY dress I bought in New York last year for 9.99 8D At Neiman Marcus Sale store. :)

Anyway, just a random fluff post so everyone knows that I'm alive.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Taking care of business.

So this morning I woke up bright and early, like I always do. But instead of vegging around, I decided to be productive. I e-mailed my thesis director with an update of what I have and what I'm up to, and I explicitly asked him to annoy me into writing my proposal. I need to get this done because otherwise, I'll never finish thesis and graduate!

I also wrote to my boss?/ex-boss? at Pastiche to know what the crack is up with Pastiche and about the poem she said she was going to publish in another magazine. We'll see how that goes.

And basically, I returned every other e-mail that I owed to people. :)

Today, mom and I will have lunch with the women on her side of the family. This promises to be interesting, if not a bit hectic. The females haven't gotten together in a long time, and this time, my cousin will bring her newborn with her, Esteban.

Other than that, I was sick during the weekend. And Damian and I got a new toy. And it is called Hitsuji. :) Yay for sheep!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

No luck swimming.

So today I was supposed to go to the beach and start my swimming workout. And I did go. And I did get into the water and swim. But it last it all of fifteen minutes before I got too tired and wimped out and emo.

Fifteen minutes. I'm so sad. Oh well.

After my failed attempt at being beachy, I convinced mom to go to Ponce. But there was no luck there either. We spent about an hour there and I didn't get anything. I did get a shirt in Yauco though.

I'm prepping for cooking dinner tomorrow for Damian. So far, I'll be making Italian chicken parcels with fetuccini for dinner and chocolate cheesecake for dessert. I've never made either before, so lets hope it turns out okay.

Like I said before, I'm supposed to be keeping a diary of how I've been feeling, but I haven't done it. Frankly, I don't even want to think about psychologists and psychiatrists, I'm just so bleh about it. So over it. I zoned out and started drowsing at my last psychologist appointment. I guess I just want to relax for a while, relax my brain.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Random English Major Moment.

The River-Merchant's Wife

While my hair was still cut straight across my forehead
I played about the front gate, pulling flowers.
You came by on bamboo stilts, playing horse,
You walked about my seat, playing with blue plums.
And we went on living in the village of Chokan:
Two small people, without dislike or suspicion.
At fourteen I married My Lord you.
I never laughed, being bashful.
Lowering my head, I looked at the wall.
Called to, a thousand times, I never looked back.

At fifteen I stopped scowling,
I desired my dust to be mingled with yours
Forever and forever and forever.
Why should I climb the look out?

At sixteen you departed,
You went into far Ku-to-en, by the river of swirling eddies,
And you have been gone five months.
The monkeys make sorrowful noise overhead.

You dragged your feet when you went out.
By the gate now, the moss is grown, the different mosses,
Too deep to clear them away!
The leaves fall early this autumn, in wind.
The paired butterflies are already yellow with August
Over the grass in the West garden;
They hurt me. I grow older.
If you are coming down through the narrows of the river Kiang,
Please let me know beforehand,
And I will come out to meet you
As far as Cho-fu-Sa.

This is one of my favorite poems. Just felt like sharing it with you guys.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Not itchy. Emo.

So yesterday I went to the orthopedist (since I've been having problems with my back and my knee and occasionally my hips) and I found out that I have osteoarthritis in my right knee. Fantastic. Now, before you say that I have a disease that belongs to a person of a certain age, osteoarthritis is very common in athletes, and since I used to work out obsessively, I qualify in that area.

Nonetheless, the orthopedist was surprised and a little bit concerned that someone so young and "so thin" (I'm quoting the orthopedist, I wouldn't say I'm so thin) has osteoarthritis. So, another set of rules to follow has been put in place for me. I have to work out, but I have to avoid running since that will do more damage to the knee. So recommended exercises are walking, speed walking, biking, and swimming. He really emphasized swimming so I might try that...

I also have to take more pills. Glucosamine, for the knee. This brings my daily pill intake to four pills: Celexa, Risperdal, vitamins, and now, glucosamine. Wee. I am Medicated Woman. You will not hear me roar.

For my scoliosis, the doctor told me to do abs. It won't get worse, since I've stopped growing, but I have to strengthen my stomach and back muscles. So now I have to do abs. My boyfriend is thrilled about it, since it means I'm forced to work out and he's been trying to get me to work out for ages. I'm not thrilled about working out. I'm lazy. And if you're asking where the workout junkie in me went, I don't know either.

In other news, my psychiatrist wants me to keep a diary. '.' I'm not thrilled about it. I'm just so sick of going to the psychiatrist and the psychologist and I made sure to tell her. She told me that those feelings were completely normal, but that I should keep being responsible and continue attending my appointments. Sigh.

The whole keeping a diary thing reminds me, for some reason, to Charlotte's vulvodinia experience in Sex and the City. But instead of itchy today, not itchy today, mine's going to be emo today...not emo today. Fun.

Besides these medical updates, I've been shopping lately. Not any extraordinary purchases, but some cheap cute ones. Yesterday I got a pair of salmon pink pumps for six dollars! I'm very proud. They're so cute. The shape of the shoe, I love it so much that I vowed to one day, when I have money, have it made into a real leather shoe. (Because, people, it's a Payless shoe. Don't be hatin'.)

I'll be sure to post up pictures of my recent purchases soon. Other than that, I think I've covered the past couple of days. Unless y'all want to know that I've been using my iPod. Which I have. It just keeps surprising me with yummy indie rock goodness.