Loss

One of the biggest reasons why I stopped blogging was that I pretty much couldn't write. I was at a loss for words, probably because we were experiencing the loss of people dear to us in the past few years.

My grandfather passed away almost two years ago. It was sudden, truly unexpected. Last I'd seen him he was fine, he was happy. He was doing well. I will never forget the last time we spoke, how I told him that I loved him. He replied, "And I love you, mija. You don't know how much I love you."

My grandparents fed my thirst for knowledge and my desire to travel the world. I grew listening to my grandfather's stories from when he lived in Spain and Mexico. My grandfather always listened to me, and supported me, no matter how much he disagreed with my choices. Along with my parents, my grandpa and grandma taught me that I needed no man to live a full life. They taught me that I could stand on my own two feet and make my own way in the world. They told me that you could never learn too much and that I should never stop learning.

This is not to say that we didn't argue. I remember a spat we had because we had very different political views. He got so upset with me; he was actually shaking. But we agreed to disagree. He wasn't happy that I had decided to change my original college applications (I meant to study medicine or engineering; I ended up changing to English). But I had never seen him glow with such pride until I defended my master's thesis. I'm glad that I got to share such an important day with him, but there are so many more that I wish he could have seen.

I don't think we ever truly forget or get over someone you lose. You just learn to dull the pain, and you tell yourself that everything is okay. I was lucky that I had my grandfather so long, but not a day goes by that I don't remember him. He will always be a part of my life, and I will treasure the memories of the times we spent. I don't know what happens after death, but I know that he's out there, somewhere. Probably with grandma. Making fun of me because I'm a softie.

And even though I don't know for certain where he is now, I know that he'll always be with me. I carry him in my heart.